THE MEANING OF FAMILY
My beliefs in the constructs of my family unit have been challenged the past 18 months. I’ve grieved the loss of a family unit that didn’t exist the way I thought it did. My perception of what was real was actually an illusion, and I battled the shock and confusion when things began to unravel. Fuel was thrown onto an inconspicuous simmering fire that caused an eruption so big that the veil of illusion lifted into a clear state of truth. It brought the walls crashing down around us and left me dazed and confused.
It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. And one of my life’s greatest lessons.
Seeing clearly into reality makes way for deeper insights into our own life stuff and awakens the capacity for compassion to have deeper understanding of others, if you’re willing to dive beneath the hurt, blame, confusion and rage.
When I looked beneath mine I saw a young girl, desperate to be held. Desperate to feel included and supported. A yearning for a sense of belonging, deep love and connection, without feeling like a burden. I’ve done enough work over the years to have a relationship with my inner child and the walls she built around her heart, the behaviours she adopted and the beliefs she instilled to protect herself from feeling unworthy.
When the people you think will be there to hold in challenging times you walk away, once the shock and hurt settles, you’ll see that doors open to forge relationships where relationships weren’t. When you lose loved ones, it forces you to seek love and understanding in the hearts of others.
Perhaps the people in our family aren’t meant to be our number ones. Maybe they’re meant to be the ones that shine the light on the shadow aspects of ourselves so we can share our light with others.
I don’t know. I’m still navigating broken relationships, realisations, hurts, and the uncertainty of how, if or when it will ever be different.
What I do know is there are people in my circle that see me for everything I am, as I am today. They have no preconceived ideas, judgements or expectations on me. They see my open heart, my nurturing Soul, my intention for unity and kindness. They might not be my family, but they feel like it. The way my heart meets theirs when they hold me. The way beliefs and constructs are met with curiosity, not repulsion. The way our laughter echoes, and our triggers are met with love and care because we know we’re all just a reflection of one another. And that’s nothing to be ashamed, fearful or critical of.
Funny how you can feel more like yourself with new friends and strangers than you can with people who’ve known you your entire life.
I guess that’s a part of the process of evolution. As you shed layers you connect with people doing similar work who see you for your love and your flaws, and continue to love you anyway, with no need to run, avoid, reject or tarnish the intentions in your heart.
Maybe that’s what family is. To see one another exactly as we are, and choose to stay anyway.
Image from a retreat I co-facilitated in February of a bunch of strangers who, 24 hours into the 3 night experience, felt like family.