I HELPED MY 27 YEAR OLD SELF RELEASE GRIEF, FEAR + WORRY

I cried during my yoga practice last week. As I moved through the practice and this emotion started to boil over, I also noticed my belly swelling up up. It felt full, painful and really uncomfortable. 

From past healing experiences and embodiment practices, I knew whatever was coming up was an old imprint rising to be seen and healed.

I stopped following the teacher’s instructions and I listened to my body. It needed pressure. I placed a block against my gut and folded over it, applying pressure to relieve the discomfort in my lower abdomen.

As I did, the tears fell out of me.

It was sadness. And grief. For what, I did not yet know.

When the class ended I sat on my mat, in a sunlit room, and held myself in the outpouring of emotion.

I started using EFT and tapped on myself so I could inquire - what is this grief leaving my body?

Within seconds I ended up in a memory from when I was 27 years old. I was in the spare room in our home in NZ. It was pitch black, late at night and Mackenzie asleep in her cot. Her dad, my partner, was asleep in our room.

Our relationship was falling apart and I was balling my eyes out because our relationship was soon to end. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Using a process called Matrix Reimprinting, I sent my current Self into this memory and sat with my 27 year old self on the bed. I asked her what she was feeling and she said, through an outpouring of sobs,

“I am so sad. I never wanted it to be this way”
“I’m so scared. How will I move back to Australia and raise my sick and disabled child this alone?”
“I don’t want do this by myself. I feel so alone”
“I’m worried for how he’ll cope when we leave”

I provided this younger version of myself with all the love, support and wisdom I have now that she didn’t have back then. Using the taping protocol I helped discharge the depths of these emotions (sadness, grief, fear, worry) and told her that she and her little Mackenzie will thrive in Australia. I let her know they’ll do incredible things together like travel, write books, help other people because of their suffering, take on voice over roles and being incredibly happy.

I assured her that her partner would be ok, and helped nurture her back to a place of deep knowing that although it was scary, this separation and move was always destined to be part of journey. I told her things weren't always going to be easy, but she had a blueprint to survive and overcome the adversity and the bigness of her emotions. 

As I sat in that yoga space using EFT and Matrix to help clear the energy, I purged deep sighs over and over until the swelling in my gut eased and the sadness found a way out.

I’d been carrying that sadness, fear and worry with me since that night in that spare room - for the previous two weeks I've experienced bone pain in my sacrum; the energetic home of family, security, safety, connection, pleasure and joy. 

From the work I did on this memory, the pain is gone. And rather than seeing the sad state of affair I had remembered from that memory, I now see a restful and empowered woman ready to embark on a journey back home to live her life in the most integral and embodied way.

The space to allow these emotions to move through is so necessary. And the tools to help the emotion move on is imperative.

Whether it is breathwork, EFT, matrix reimprinting, meditation, intuitive guides, spiritual massages, shamanic work, plant medicine … it doesn’t matter what you use. I've used them all and they all play and incredible role in my healing. 

I am so grateful to have access to all of these practical tools to support me.

Every unmet part of us remains within. I value every moment a little piece of me integrates.

An unbecoming, to wholeness again.