FOUR QUESTIONS THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
I found myself in a sticky situation arguing about money recently. I wanted to host an event and had my price set. However the studio owner told me they host events at a set price, which was $30pp less than my price point.
I wasn’t happy.
We had a lengthy discussion about why I wanted it at my price, and why they wanted it at theirs. In the end, I knew they weren’t going to budge and if I wanted to be of service to this community, I’d have to agree to their terms.
But it didn’t feel right in my body to agree. I wanted to fight back and stand in ‘my truth’.
With this need to be right, I noticed I was projecting stories and judgments onto this business owner. I also sensed a burning sensation in my solar plexus (this energy centre is related to personal power, confidence, self worth, and will).
This sensation was an invitation to look deeper into my subconscious mind - I was being triggered and I could feel it in my body. So I asked, ‘Why is it so important that the price be set at my price point?’
I called a Natalie Roberts, my dear friend, special needs mama, word smith, coach, intuitive and NLP practitioner. In our conversation I was reminded of one of the Buddhist teachings on Right View from the Eightfold Path.
“Our happiness and the happiness of those around us depend on our degree of Right View. Touching reality deeply — knowing what is going on inside and outside of ourselves — is the way to liberate ourselves from the suffering that is caused by wrong perceptions. Right View is not an ideology, a system, or even a path. It is the insight we have into the reality of life, a living insight that fills us with understanding, peace, and love.”
Natalie asked me, ‘Do you want to be right or do you want peace?’.
I wanted peace.
I wanted compassion.
I wanted love.
I wanted connection.
I wanted loving kindness.
I wanted non judgment.
And despite wanting all that, I still felt this icky feeling in my gut about ‘allowing that person to set the price for my event’.
Natalie then posed four questions to me that changed everything:
What would happen if I did (insert what I want)?
What would happen if I didn’t (insert what I want)?
What wouldn’t happen if I did (insert what I want)?
What wouldn’t happen if I didn’t (insert what I want)?
Simply posing these questions to me allowed all the story around my what / why to fall away, and I knew, without even answering the questions, that without my view on how I thought it should be, I would just say yes and sell the event at the stated price. With these questions, I didn’t care about my story and reasons why; they didn’t matter.
I took a big breath out.
I found instant resolution to a perception that my way was the ‘right way’ and embodied peace in my heart. In doing so, I felt so free.
When I stewed over the initial proposal and perceived problem, I kept hearing the word ‘dictate’ in my mind. It’s a strong word, denoting a sense of control enforced outside of my Self. With resolution in my heart, I wanted to understand this view a little more.
As Natalie offered wise counsel, I wrote this sentence down: “I will not let them dictate to me what I’m worth”
Ouch. That feeling in my solar plexus roared like an unconfined fire and I knew I’d hit the nail on the head.
My ‘view’ was so strong because underlying this discussion, in my subconscious, I felt like my worth was being questioned. I knew this was an old story playing out in present time so I sat with this sentence and used EFT to awaken memory with kinetic energy. I asked myself another question, “When did I feel unworthy?”
The tapping allowed me to connect with the sensations in my body and access stored cellular memory. Within minutes I found myself in a memory when I was 27 years old - a new mum to a child with a disability in the woes of a relationship break down. I delved into the memory, met myself in that experience and discovered that in one fleeting moment in this particular memory, I felt unworthy.
I took another big breath out.
That feeling of being unworthy when I was 27 was causing my behaviours and actions to fight for my worth at all costs with this business owner. The need to feel worthy overrode my desire for peace, compassion and love because I had a need that was not met, and I was fighting for reclamation - unconsciously. These questions allowed me to realise a negative core belief tied into a memory that was affecting my Now, 13 years later.
Those 4 questions changed everything.
With this new view I willingly agreed to the T+Cs. I didn’t need to compromise or fight. I achieved ‘right view’ that was absolute, and no longer needed my ego to protect my wounded 27 year old self.
When I shared this self-realisation with the business owner the emotional charge and our personal view points instantly evaporated and we seamlessly came to an agreement that allowed us both to feel safe and free. The fight was over. We didn’t need to be right or prove our point because we both wanted peace, compassion and love. But it was only available to us when I realised that my fight came from a place of pain, rather than a place of expansion.
We are all operating in the world, and viewing the world, from these places of self preservation and protection. What we perceive is right view causes us suffering, until we come to realise what IS right view - ‘a living insight that fills us with understanding, peace, and love’. If there is dis-ease, discomfort, or a need to fight, there is no Right View. Only perception, caused my wounds in our subconscious. It’s up to us, to me, and you, to do the work to reveal what is true.
What are you ‘certain’ about that’s causing dis-ease in your life? How right is your view? Answer these questions:
What would happen if you did (insert what you want)?
What would happen if you didn’t (insert what you want)?
What wouldn’t happen if you did (insert what you want)?
What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t (insert what you want)?