THE END OF AN ERA - LEAVING ONE BIG HEART
In the summer of 2017, after a long, hot and drawn out school break caring for Mackenzie, I left her with my parents to seek solace in a yoga class at a gym in Campbelltown. A moment to pause, to unwind, to breathe. I practiced next to a guy with asian symbols tattooed down his spine and I was drawn to the unwavering rhythm of his breath. I followed his practice the entire class and chatted to him after. He told me he was opening a yoga studio in Camden.
"Why the fuck are you opening a studio out there?" I blurted out.
He laughed. "Because there's nothing out here", he replied.
I told him I was a recently qualified yoga teacher and when I visited his brand new studio a few weeks later, I got a job. I've been teaching Monday nights at One Big Heart with Karl Palin as my boss ever since. A lot has happened in this time because of and in the safety of this hot yoga studio in Camden which is a home away from home; a place to rest, to unravel, to tune in.
I've fallen in love with Camden - the studio, the cafes, the parks, the people, the area. I've made life long friends, found a soul business partner in Kate Duncan (who I run Citta Retreat with), and supported so many people on my retreats, day events, workshops and 1:1 healing offerings.
I have healed a lot in the safety of those four walls. I have been triggered, reflecting parts of myself that needed more love and time to heal. I have dropped into soul-guided service, which saved me on many occasions when my own pain and suffering felt unbearable.
I've cried on my mat and whilst teaching. I'm not one for hiding or holding it in.
I've tried to offer the thousands of students that have practiced with me an opportunity to look at themselves and the world through a cleaer lens and to connect to their bodies through the practice.
I've studied a lot, and grown a lot as a space holder, facilitator, and leader.
It was because of this place that I stumbled across my writing mentor and publisher for The Adventures of Kenzie-Moo. And my god have I been through some hair cuts.
It's been a huge 6 years. 1/2 of Mackenzie's life has been with me teaching Monday nights at One Big Heart in Camden.
And I never thought I'd leave.
But a month ago, unexpectedly, I heard the words, "It's time to leave One Big Heart". I stopped, frowned, shook my head, and brushed it off. But a few hours later I heard it again. That voice I heard, it's the same voice that said:
"Move to the Gold Coast" - where I met Mackenzie's dad
"Puree food and put it down her feeding tube and she'll stop vomiting" - it worked
"Sell everything you own and go on a road trip" - it changed my life
"Go to that yoga studio in the Hills and do yoga teacher training" - it changed everything
"Write a children's book" - my most favourite life achievement
"Offer a retreat for special needs mums" - which opened up the doors to all the retreats I’ve hosted since
I've learnt not to question or doubt that voice. Even when its suggestions seem unruly, unjust and confusing. I cried about its message for 2 weeks, then peace washed the grief away and I've felt incredibly calm and centred about the decision. Even though I don't feel like it was a decision I made, I trust in the higher power that speaks for me, decides for me.
I trust that there is something bigger at play. So I listened, and responded.
I will teach my last two Monday nights in March, and then hand it over. I'm not gone forever. Occasionally I'll cover a class if I can, and I have some workshops planned for April (breathwork) and June (1/2 day mini retreat). So it's definitely not goodbye. I'm not ready for those kinds of shenanigans.
What will I do on Monday nights instead? I'm thinking of starting Ju-Jitsu. My body is craving some form of mixed movement / martial arts. And as this year is all about not being the leader, but doing new things where I need to be lead, I think it's a good fit. And if not, I'll make a commitment to my own practice and go to yoga. The movement is even more important now as I settle down into a journey of being deeply committed to my writing my memoir.
So if you're free on the 20th or 27th March and would love to come for one last hurrah, I'm teaching:
- 430pm gentle flow
- 6pm hot power flow
- 730pm yin
To Karl, my OBH teachers, students and expanded community.
Thank you. I love you xx